Meet In Real Life. Schedule. Turn Off Your Communication Devices!

In my practice as a Certified Sex Therapist, I see patients of all ages and genders and I’ve experienced an up-tic of patients, particularly millennials, who report working long, hard hours. They are career driven and are frequently distracted by the very technology applications and devices they are known for creating. Consistent with a recent study, these are only several reasons why they are having less sex than previous generations.

It’s pretty interesting when you think about it… millennials are having less sex than their grandparents.

Let’s face it, lots of people don’t have the time or convenient means to go out and meet in person so they rely on dating apps. Yet, dating apps tend to foster a – the grass is always greener on the next swipe – mentality. Often, I advise my 20-something tech clients to meet in-person as soon as possible. In fact, regardless of age, most people who are in the online dating pool really should meet for face-to-face interaction fairly soon after connecting with someone. There really isn’t a substitute for getting to know one another in person and the real life interaction will give you the best feelings on compatibility. Dating apps are physical looks centric. Often, when meeting and getting to know people, they become more attractive. Swiping the wrong way could mean the possibility of missing someone truly spectacular.

Turn off your computer, tablets and phones. Tune into your partner.

Busy techies and their partners are frustrated when intimacy is either outright forgone or interrupted because of technology devices. Even if they are not being used in the immediate moment, the presence of communication devices can decrease intimacy, connection and trust. Consider tech free diets (i.e., silence devices after 7PM and/or remove them from the room) and see what happens to your love life! Some of the problems are explained in this short video, Silicon Valley’s Sex Therapist Breaks Down Techies Sex Problems.

Lastly, schedule intimacy. Plan it. Do it 

Yes, that’s right… schedule sex and you can even use your iCalendar. In the therapy world, recommending to plan sex isn’t a new idea. In fact, couples who have a regular sex plan it 80% of the time. The scheduling can even be in the form of planning intent by having regular intimacy dates or buying a suggestive intimate gift.

You schedule everything else — when you schedule an intimacy date you’re basically saying sex is enough of a priority you’re willing to schedule it.

Making calendar entries works really well for my patients. Some find it an odd suggestion, but that quickly turns to anticipation and excitement about the romantic encounter they’ll soon share with their partner. Also, your mind & body begin to expect sex on a regular interval. More on the benefits of scheduling sex in another quick video clip, Why Silicon Valley Techies Are Scheduling Sex.

Inspire Your Desire